Although I had made the decision to leave, I still felt the depths of disappointment, sadness and grief that comes with a breakup.
I knew I needed to move these emotions out, rather than suppress them, so I made an intention to do so.
I got online to find a meditation to help me through this breakup, and I discovered an active breathing meditation.
My interest was sparked, as I felt I could do something about it, rather than woefully sit with my grief during a quiet meditation.
Within minutes of starting the breathwork pattern, I was sobbing and buzzing.
In the safe solitude of my Portland apartment, I let myself deeply feel, but then something unexpected happened - I shifted into my own power.
In that moment, everything changed.
A fire of truth and clarity had been lying dormant, waiting to be met. It was under layers of self-judgement, insecurity, conditioning, anxiousness, and fear, and it had a LOT to show me.
It showed how my people-pleasing tendencies kept me in relationships not meant for me.
It showed me how I compared myself to others and needed validation in order to feel self-worth.
It showed me my fear of messing up, making the wrong decisions, and disappointing others.
It showed me how my anxiety likes to control my environment and limits me from taking risks for my own growth.
So what changed?
I learned how to be comfortable in solitude, without seeking expectation or validation from anyone.
I stopped hiding from my inner voice and started writing out specific frustrations, disappointments, and desires, without need for anyone’s opinions or approval.
I created boundaries with friendships and relationships that were no longer healthy for me.
I started following my intuition when making simple or large decisions, like choosing what restaurant to go to, or knowing when to move out of my apartment.
It gave me control over my anxiety, creating a healthy relationship with it and allowing me to come off medication.
Breathwork started as a breakup meditation, but opened the door for so much more.
It brought me back to me.
xo Laura
